So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
