and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
