some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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