Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
