No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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