We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
