shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
