they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
