She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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