im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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