You can't motorboat a personality
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
