he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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