did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
