I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
