I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
