no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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