Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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