In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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