maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
