two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
