____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
