Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
