i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
false alarm, still single
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