are you so shy because you have an std?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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