where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
