who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
