already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
