oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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