I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
