Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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