areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
