found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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