Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
