Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
