is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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