The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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