I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
