The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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