Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
