lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
