Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
