You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
