Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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