Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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