I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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