friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
