i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
