Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
