I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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