He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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