Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This toilet bowl is my home.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
