I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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