I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
