office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
