i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
