We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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