Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
barbara walters just said penis...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
