her vagine was all disorganized.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
