yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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