My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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