Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Where is the hickey?
i would punch a child for taco bell
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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