Im at strip club and am horny
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
